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The Gates of Valhalla

The Gates of Valhalla

A Novel of Political and Religious Satire

By Jasper Grawl Genre/Category: Novel, Satire, Politics, Religion, Sci-Fi

From the very beginning of the Universe, to primitive man’s invention of Time, through the distant future when countless souls populate vast swaths of empty space, Valhalla shows us what really becomes of mankind when we let the politicians run the show. 

 
In an age where farce is the Universe’s only unifying principle, where the only requirement for faster-than-light travel is proper footwear, where a cheap catchphrase and an orange brochure constitute what passes for religion, Stan has the audacity to resurrect his failing church business by turning the place into a bar and giving his customers what they really want. Stan’s is the only church with the recipe for Salvation. They sell it on tap. 
 
Meanwhile, crotchety curmudgeon Gumballs finds himself trying to navigate the mind-numbing bureaucracy of the afterlife, his sin-surance policy wholly inadequate, the specter of eternal Hell looming every bit as wretched as an afternoon on C-SPAN.
 
The Gates of Valhalla offers a hilarious yet biting satire on the foibles and fallibilities of everyday people, what they believe, and how they somehow manage to govern their daily lives. It dares to tackle such trivialities as life and death, heaven and hell, sin and redemption, Earth’s corned beef claim to galactic fame, and the very survival of mankind. Jasper Grawl’s side-splitting novel leads you straight to the gates and dares you to step through.

 

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Book Buzz

* * * * * Five-star review by Pope Mel

Insurance.

That’s really all that matters.

Having enough insurance AND having the RIGHT KIND of insurance can save you from an eternity of jury duty.

Wha…?

It’s all explained here, in Jasper Grawl’s delightfully hilarious book. Indeed, Grawl has an answer for everything, and is more than happy to explain the universe’s many kinks and peccadilloes.

–Who cares about stealing candy from babies when the real crime is “giving candy to a baby in the first place. Who does that?”

–Need to increase attendance at your church or synagogue? Hand out brochures that say “Just have sex as much as and with whomever you like!”

–In a political race, even an unqualified candidate can win with a platform of “F*** taxes!”, “Yay puppies!” and “This Bud’s for you!”

Grawl’s novel is absurdist in nature, yet wholly believable. He’s got us humans nailed down, or possibly pinned to a flannel-covered board for easier study. He knows what makes us tick-a-tick-a-tick and he’s not afraid to use it against us.

Strange, funny and completely unexpected, this book is very Vonnegurtish… Vonneguterrific… Vonnegutteral – Yes! That’s the one! – very Vonnegutteral – managing to skewer religion, business, politics, and everything else in its path.

And, it’s even better than Matlock.

* * * * * Five-star Review by Galen

This is a brilliant and hilarious satire of politics, religion and the general ridiculousness of human nature. Each chapter left me with numerous, and not always appropriate, moments out-loud laughter. I loved it front to back.